It was not like I was born yesterday that I don’t know nothing at all. So even it maybe didn’t related to you and I hope it didn’t, well… just have some of new insights.
Maybe not a long time ago, but it feels like a long time too. So I just maybe say one and a half year ago, my life was the piled up for days to survive, days to be forgotten about, days that I should be worried because no progress wasn’t made after all, days of what the fuck I don’t care anymore, days when your friends reaches you—knowing that you are not okay at all even you’ve always said you’re okay, or days when you surely got up to cleaning your room—hoping it’ll get better and all those would passed and it did!
Yup, I know it sucks. And all of your brain cells are screaming at you: “WHY DID I HAVE GO THROUGH ALL THAT SHIT FIRST?”
Well, in this part you might be felt relate because… yeah, that’s life and I know I just said that million times.
But now, it’s not like everything’s fine and okay, it gets better but you deal with a whole new level of shits coming up.
“Time becomes more valuable so you start setting a schedule and sticking to it. No more flaking. You make time for work, your friends, and most importantly your family. You can also set aside time, to do nothing. Ultimately, you start to see how important it is to plan things out.”
Can’t agree enough for those words right now.
You’ll be more cherished weekend more than ever. Because you only had free time in those two days and had to make the best of it. But, what if your only two days used for something that suddenly come up and you should do it right away? Well, be adult. And from now on, I just let and wishing everyone have a great weekend even it is mostly not the way they dreams or planned in the first place.
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I did write that a month ago. So much changed. I am not the same person who’d written that on September 18th 2021.
I need extra time to discovering what happened on those changes and figuring out some things that still the same. How everything actually end and start immediately after the finish line or how some things didn’t follow up to the next steps.
There is no point to pretending you did a good job even you aren’t—also, no need to hard on yourself even if you didn’t like what person you’ve become because of your choices. Because we are always in between. Happiness did not stay for long and sadness is the emotions that will go along the way on night like this.
A few days ago, it’s no strange that I had this conversation with friends that meant to be just a pep talk turned out to be a deep talk. She said as a closing, “Like always, thanks for always listening to me.” It is really basic manner if you feel grateful when someone listened to you and I am glad she is that kind of person.
I answered, “It’s okay. It’s not like those emotions were unfamiliar anyway. But listening to this, I can’t help to think and ends up feeling that kind of your described emotions. I am sure this is empathy, I am glad I did validate yours, not judging it.”
I’m adding. “I am not proud with myself of the cause and the reason why you or anyone else asked to be listened by me. Even it’s neither good or bad for myself. It’s just takes energy. For now it’s okay, and if it’s turns out I am not okay, I also could ask you to listened me, right? That’s just simple like that.”
Lastly. I know it’s me thing, but if it didn’t hurt so bad, I will not asked for a companion. As always, I just defining on a scale, where were the emotions level if it’s adds up. I know I have people who in stand by mode just after one call away. But as in my value on being burden to someone else is not cool—Up until now, I treating their companion as an emergency fund—or maybe a gift voucher that has expired date?
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