There is no safe spaces.

How do I live? Well, same as all human in this pandemic. Maybe we got a slightless a different story but the whole thing is pretty much fucked up.

Think that should I leave a digital trace of validation on my feelings or not. Maybe i'm gonna regret it in first place but I should. I should leave the trace because the things are: I didn't suffering alone. Maybe on the other side, there is some individual that trying to get it on too.

Writing on journals doesn't feel like private anymore but blogging is like you felt maybe no one read it but actually it has a chance someone could read it. So what if from now on, I didn't going around telling people that I have a new post maybe this could be safe.

Where to start...?

So, I was turning 23 years old. I know people go through so much so did I--a lot exactly yada yada yada. Then with all those difficulties, I learn a spectrum of choices. You choose everything all alone and live with it. Some were good, some were needed to stay there, go along and not consumed by it.

Lately, I was consumed by my choices. After awhile it's just sitting there for a long time and I choose to brought it up. Nothing is better than letting it all out. At first, I am ready for everything because I sort of knowing what comes in return. I predicted about the feedback and try to holding on with those predictable aspects.

Funny things about humans is we want everything as accurate as it can be even we know what comes in return. I did not say I was in despair of regret, therefore I feel that I did a right choice--a good one.

After those choice, I barely thinking of anything else but this one. I insisted this is good but I still caught by it. So I do a little time off in case this got out of hands.

I did shutting myself off for days but it doesn't bring any good. These are worsen if I tried to let go all the feelings. So what I do is embracing those feelings. Seriously, all the bullshit-positivity-cliche-words is always right and the hardest fucking thing to actually practically doing it.

I know this will pass, like everything didn't really change but it did. Then I could be back to myself again, not give a fuck about someone's choices even it was me who took all the burden for knowing the exact thing and barely has someone to understand to even talk to.