It took a year.
A year to switching my worries about thesis to finding a job.
Everyone will remember this year because we are struggling together.
I don't know what to say in this situation except watching closely, raising awareness with everything that happened. I want to help, maybe I already do it--but not much I'm sure.
I have a job lately, a simple job. The job is that I have to ask, asking strangers to pause with their activity and begging them to listened to me shooting them with a question. For me it was hard. Asking someone to giving what they had meanwhile I didn't have anything to give a feedback was a nightmare. The guilty of it is unbearable.
But if I was in the other side, if I be the one whom they seek help with, I wouldn't be burdened by it, considering what they ask.
I got so much help in this life from different human being. But if I ask them to fullfil my target to get my desire of anything, maybe my feelings is like those nights. Worried and unsure and burdened by something that I have to reach to get through what I want.
Then I was wondering, all jobs was like this. You must do what people's want if you want to meet your needs. Can I? Looking back on what I've been through just from just that one job.
I don't know is it my brain or heart that said: "You do what you want to do. Make those thing into money. Sell that thing that you want".
I want to. And then I realized, all the time I had in this pause of pandemic, I didn't used it well. Now that I running out of time--like I always do-- is writing and do nothing.
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