family drama.

Day. 146

20 June 2026.

Even as an orphan (it starts dark), my life wasn’t problem-free when it came to the inner circle. My main family may not attend, and I am not functionally positioned as a part of the main family; however, there’s this kind of family, which is related and somehow becomes the substitute of the main one.

I could suddenly crumble when it comes to family and others' dysfunctional family dynamics, because right now, when all I have is family, one part says and reminds me that all I have is myself. This complexity led me to reflect on the meaning of family. My mindset was stuck that the main family consists only of Mother and Father, followed by Siblings.

With that kind of mindset, I start believing that the family that I call “family” is still not there yet— meaning that until I have met my other half and then have children myself, that’s the real family for me. Then the so-called “family” I have right now is not a definition of an exact family. I know that was incorrect, but it is hard to unlearn those with everything I have been through.

In Asian households, living with your family into adulthood is a common tradition. We choose to become dependent whenever we are ready to leave the house. Like me, after my parents passed away, I have been continuing to live in my grandmother’s house for 9 years. After that, I moved to my sister’s house, and it has been almost five months.

Being here, I could say it was not easy, yet one of the right decisions I could make for myself. Looking at what has been turning out with my job, with the economy back in my home country, and one thing revealed about family drama just today, which I am grateful that I am not in the place I used to be in the past 9 years, to directly go through those kinds of matters, because I know that if I were there, I could fall into the pit and never came back. It is right to stay out of trouble when you are leaving the mess that you didn’t make, however, you will get dragged in if you are staying in the same place.

Leaving is the answer. The arrangement Allah made for me to keep going on.