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| The thoughtful gifts from Iam and Nilem for my first trip to SK. |
On every turn I took when commute, there are always certain thoughts that leads by what is revolving on that moment.
Say it could be the view from what I saw upfront, the other drivers that shows how they actually not worthy to get the driver license, the songs that were played, the singer that sang it, the sudden thoughts when remembered old days, the old habits that no longer called as habits, old freaky embarrasing moments when I young or something like that.
One morning, a simple question from my brain, asking: "What's good for this weekend?"
As if this brain know how to works, it tells me, "Ohiya, you have that one re-scheduled plan to meet your friends." My serotonin peaks up immediately.
Thoughts after thoughts, questions after questions that leads to answers were cued in my brain and finally I have that one "GONG" that made me encountered one hard truth reality: "It's feel like forever I haven't meet this friend."
Immediately strucked my body when my brain decided to answer: "Yes you are, but he is no longer here."
Actually, suppresing that kind of feelins at that time was easy because first, I am experienced. Second, I was consumed by the urge to get to the office and get things done. Third, I was good showering myself to some distractions as simple as building up my concentration on the road. Most importantly, I do not let myself to be vurnerable in the morning when I had to keep my mind straight to get paid. Because setting up those feelings aside is our self defense mechanism and nature to doing so.
Then I remembered this saying when said the people that coming into our life would brings all of their lives along. When they left us, the memories stays and remains as if its their fault to leaving those behind... when the truth is that's just how we are holding onto them.
One fact: this friend shared a lot of interest things with me or any other my friends mostly. He gets excited when telling what he like, because who didn't? His jokes was alive, the gossip told by him was a top-notch, and I could hear the laughs resonated between spaces and that's why I was always happily, playfully, silly laughing when it comes to be in shared spaces with him.
The cool thing that I love about this friend is that he was vocal about what he likes and doesn't like. Being go getter than following what's others common things is one value that I implement also to myself. From that value, both me and him or kind of this people were keeping the bridge open but carefully selecting people who can or cannot pass the gate.
When finally the shuffle of my playlist lands to the one of singer of his favourites, I cannot help doing nothing but breakdown in the morning. This shows that even did I was familiar mustered up with grieving, I cannot believe that I had to make one more room for this friend as long as I live. He did come along and brings all his part of life to his friends and I cannot unlearn what he already brought to us.
What I want to pursue with this writings for you is that I have always love the way you kept the spirit, Am. Even though this is a wasted paragraph but still, I am proud and happily contribute to write your memoir. I promise that the kindness, the manners, the passion that what makes you, you is worth to be compared with every single beautiful poem that has been written.
I know there were a lot of people who shares these adjectives, but it is you the special-selective person I know that have such qualities and thank you for being such a cool person that I miss dearly.
Also, glad to know one or two things on what you've liked and disliked because that is how the universe rings the bell when it is time to remember you for once in certain moments.
I'll be sent you the prayer when it comes to it and I have already know that you greatly thankful when we did that for you. I miss you, and keep up with the smile up there! Love, always.
