Ages ago (seems like it but it was the fact), I was told by my mother to be present at everything in my life. So I try to be. At primary-school age, I am so okay talking to strangers i.e bookstore staff to ask what I'm looking for. I'm also make my own order at foodcourt, or run errands without fails-- to sums up, I am a little girl with high functional social skills. The one minus thing is I talked too much so that everyone stop listening but still it was easy for me to seeking attention. Yeah, I know, what a bitch.
But when I come to think about the past, the one also who think that I am not ready to do all the thing by myself is my mom. She has this habit to do all the thing that she believe it was difficult and let me be at ease with my life instead I can go learning more and maybe be more excelled than I could be that time.
Therefore, she choosed to believe that I am someone who need more protection than my siblings or any other of my family.
Definitely, I'm not resenting her thought of me being "not ready" yet in some aspects. How could I be? It was her love after all. Her act of love that gratefully were shown by my maturtinity thought along this time.
That some aspects that her mother's instinct told her not to trust his daughter to do are: riding motorcycle.
Lol, what a plot twist. But I promise you this is a good story.
I am in junior high, not a legal age to riding motorcycle but it was practical to riding one to school even school doesn't allow it but I believe that in any school, there was usually a parking lot-- made illegally by citizen around school for student's vehicle-- but again to scalling the value of it was legal or illegal, the most important is: it was practical.
Mama doesn't allowed me to bring one to school. Of course, I was a novice rider, I'm clumsy when it comes to anything related to practical skills-- but still I think I can riding with careful manner tho.
But no, baby. She decided to asking my sister who is being moody all the time (usually in the morning) to drive me to school. Believe me, it was a torture if dad can't drive me and my only choice is my scary, moody, gangsta sister who also going to school or college with weight around her shoulders. Yeah I get it everyone not all into school. But the thing is, I am loving school a lot. Even if it is rain, I go all the way with my raincoat, slippers, and it was a happy commute.
So, my junior high school life filled with picked up moments and trying to get the time right as my school end-bell rang and the one who has a duty to pick me up. And even I like school a lot, back to home is the always the number one happiness. Who isn't?
TODAY is the reason that I writing this.
When I had the clarity that now I am must and had to do everything on my own, I remembered how all the things that mama taught me and beyond grateful that her choice, almost everything that had something to do with my life is completely, precisely, accurately RIGHT and without error. How come her motherhood is so perfect that even she didn't know that her daughters is shaped beautifully because of her choice? You should proud of yourself mam...
OK. Now that I am not obviously only taking care of myself, I have a triggering story that started all of this writings.
TODAY, I picked up Nani from Mosque. She is doing her gathering with another Nani and I am usually take her and pick her up like always. But today is the first time that she riding motocycle with me after her unhealthiness back then. But she is okay now, so yeah I am grateful again. The thing is, Nani didn't know when will the gathering done so she asked me to stand by. So I did.
And when the gathering was longer than I and Nani estimated, because waiting is not my virtue, so I decided to scrolling around my neigborhood to buy takjil and filled my motorcycle tire with special air as a routine thing I got in this repair shop.
After awhile, I am back to the mosque and it was no sign that the gathering will end soon. So, I think it might be enough time to go to my friend's house, to have a little bit face to face time and little chit chat and voila I go back to mosque-- again-- rushly because I didn't want to Nani wait.
The gathering still going on and on. When I tried to listened closely to mosque speaker, the mc of that gathering indicated that it will end soon but I know that it still have much time for people to actually come out. So, I decided to buy another takjil (Sorry in advance cuz I'm become so consumptive rn, it's because I just had my paycheck). Well then, It didn't take long so I got back to the mosque, had a best parking place, scrolling twitter a few minutes, and I see people one by one out of the mosque, mostly woman who same age with my Nani.
I am at ease, thinking that anytime now... and there she is. Looking over from mosque's gates to find me and three seconds later our eyes meet. She was pleased to see me without even trying. On that time I was feeling that feeling again, that time when my dad or my sister found my face in the crowd of students or when I find familiar face, my kind of people who love me that will get my back everytime I needed them.
And that was a family. I am grateful that I had that kind of love, whether they no longer or still here, their love still can be felt.
Oh, what a writing. Your brain and heart is seriously on its pace now, Giovanny. Thank you for myself!
